Gothic Martha Stewart: starting, shopping, motifs, projects, resources, notes

Question
I want to have a gothic wedding, but my family will freak out. What do I do?

Answer
Weddings are as much about family and tradition as they are about two people's love and commitment (otherwise, why not just go down to the courthouse, sign the papers, and be done with it?). If you want your family to be a part of that day, it's best not to totally alienate them. Also, if your parents are paying for any part of the wedding, your really have to go along with at least some of their wishes. There's a couple options in this situation:

  • Compromise.
    Try to incorporate gothic touches into the style of wedding your family would enjoy. For example: the bride wears a white dress but the bridesmaids wear black velvet; the decorations include classy dark colors like hunter green or burgundy; the ceremony is done by candlelight; the reception music has a few gothic songs interspersed with classical or big band or more mainstream rock; etc.

    You might also get away with a more gothic theme if you tell your family it's supposed to be 'Victorian' or 'Renaissance' or some other historical period -- that appeals to family desires for tradition and seriousness (whereas the idea of a gothic wedding may make some family members think you'll be sacrificing virgins or something!). A Victorian-Gothic theme is very appropriate if your family is rather old-fashioned in outlook. Most current wedding clothes are based on Victorian styles anyway, so things like tailcoats, corsets, and top hats won't seem so extreme.

  • Have the Ceremony Separate from the Reception.
    The ceremony could be a completely traditional affair for the family to attend. But the reception afterwards would be quite gothic and intended for the couple and their friends to have fun at. The family would not be excluded from the reception, but they would know that the ambience will be in the couple's favor.

    Besides, at many traditional weddings I've been to, the parents and grandparents (i.e., the older generations) tend to sit out of much of the reception anyway. They would show up, greet people, dance with the bride and groom once, then politely retreat to the shadows or just go home. And this was a the type of weddings where "Super Freak" by Rick James was being played, not "She's In Parties" by Bauhaus!

  • Have Two Weddings.
    This may seem like *a lot* of trouble, but sometimes it's much, much easier not to fight about it. One wedding (probably the one in a church or that the family pays for) can be traditional and conservative with a white dress, big cake, and the works. Then the wedding couple can also have a separate wedding and reception for just their goth friends.

    This might take place at a favourite goth club or in a cemetery or in some other typically gothic setting. The ceremony might be a real ceremony (maybe performed by a friend with a Universal Life Church minster card) or a fake ceremony (done just for show) or perhaps a pagan ceremony (something that would be meaningful to the couple but not approved of by their families). The reception could be a completely uber-gothic affair with black decorations, elaborate goth-fetishy outfits, and dancing to goth tunes.






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